Living in Germany Post-Brexit: What Can We Expect?

Not post-war Germany. Post-Brexit Britain.

September has started. The peak of summer has ended with countless dramatic news stories: fires in the Amazon, ridiculous claims by Trump, a bumbling Boris Johnson, and Brexiteers getting more and more vocal on Twitter, with stamina to continue insulting the background of Remainers, as long as their St George flags are displayed throughout in their Twitter handles. @Article50YesBritenYesBrexitWeAreIt!

What is Brexit, anyway?

It may come to a shock to many to hear that in fact there is no real Brexit. Brexit does not exist. (The limit does not exist!) Or, at least, the Brexit people imagined: with Britain as a white country, with blue passports and no brown people on the buses. (Yes, that’s the extent of it). Unicorns can be thrown in for good measure. And chlorine-washed chicken.


So which passport do you have?

As a mere muggle myself, I can only predict what will happen after 31st October 2019. I am British by birth—a British passport holder where the gold letters European Union are still printed across the top—and Irish by blood, meaning I have to prepare myself slightly for the chaos which is about to unfold.


What do Germans think of it?

Berliners are unsure what to think. They are simply watching in awe, with many questions lingering in on the tip of their tongue, upon which, when answered, their gaze drifts off to the sides in apathy yet mild sympathy.


What is going to happen?

In my view, the whole thing is, as previously published in the Berliner Zeitung, a real Shit-Storm. We will probably leave sharpish, with a blubbering Boris telling us to “keep our pecker up” as we sail off into the Atlantic, leaving the continent of “Europe”. Instead we can do deals with the US. But actually, first, let’s refuse to pay our restaurant bill for the EU first, which will block any trade deals being allowed with the EU.

After all, we will get our own queue. Britain First.


< / too close to the truth jokes >

What about Berlin?

Germany has, unsurprisingly, prepared itself to the max.  Not only did it create an entire system to help categorise British expats living in Berlin, it assure us that the data collected would be deleted if the whole Brexit shambles didn’t even take place.

On top of that, they impressively have passed 50 different laws in case there is a no deal Brexit.  Essentially, preparing them for the worst but also whilst calculating the probability, which until recently was some concept most considered ‘off the table’.

If that’s not enough, they also created a new law with wonderful compound sounds together, names the Brexit-Aufenhalts-Überleitungsgesetz which ensures the settled status of UK nationals living and working in Europe.  This, essentially means that British expats do not even need to worry about Brexit as they are living Germany, because they have decided to keep us.

Berlin is the Silicon Valley of Europe. Germany realises that it isn’t too ‘patriotic’ to kick us out if consequently we kick Germany expats in the UK who aren’t given settled status after October 31, 2019.  Berlin needs expats from around the world.  Germany knows not to shoot itself in the foot. UK on the other hand…

Germany has its struggles but its not going to fling capital out of the window in the name of patriotism. 

This is why I just feel Boris and the entire attitude of Brexiteers makes little sense.

if you’re a real patriot then you care about the UK economy.

The wellbeing of fellow citizens.

“Brexit” in its non-existent form is based on feelings, zero facts and ignores the damage its “no deal” version which no-one voted for presents. What does Brexit even mean? Does it really mean more money for the people? For the NHS? 

Our parents always told us never to believe everything we see on TV. Particularly on the side of a bus.